a fast post.

oh my. it’s been a very long time since I last updated my WordPress.

Anyways, I won’t make a long post right now but just to keep my site “alive”.

It’s been 2 months since I posted something here! O.o

So much had happened, so much have changed, and so much will happen.

Today, November 9, is the start of classes again in UPLB. It’s 2nd sem now!

Can’t wait to graduate college, haha..

 

That’s all for now. Goodnight!

Till next post!

 

this is us, women. :)

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don’t take “no” for an answer when they believe there is a better
solution.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when
they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care
about you.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

suddenly random bad thoughts. >.<

Is it right to force yourself to enjoy something you really don’t?? I’m serious. I need a very clear answer right now.

This biology things really mess my brain! I’m not enjoying it anymore…

All these scientific papers, memorization, thesis analysis, and a lot more.. I don’t know how to love them.

I feel empty inside. I feel lost. I wanted to shift to something else… But I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.

Since childhood, I know I am really into the arts. Yes. I so much love drawing, painting, singing, reading, writing, communicating, and a lot more. Now, I thought, do I really have to go to a very prestigious university where all the things about science and math are taught, if these are not what I really wanted to learn?! Gahd, I’m so confused!

Yes, I also consider to be a doctor someday. But whenever I think of the things I have to learn and analyze, I wanted to quit. Yes, I’m a big quiiter when it comes to this. Biology course drives me crazy. Most of us look at this course as something hard or complicated. And yes, I have to agree with these people. They are so true.

I wanted to shift! I wanted to shift!

But, how would my family react to this? What would they feel? I don’t want to disappoint them for this is not what they want. What should I do?? =’c

There are a lot of things going on my head right now, and I just can’t put them into words. Everything has a reason. God has a reason for everything. Maybe I’ll just wait until god shows me that this is not the course for me. ‘Coz I feel a great passion for the arts. I truly feel that I can excel so much in such field.

Why do I feel all of these right now? These thoughts should pass as soon as possible.

Till next post!

Men, men, men.. >.<

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”.
A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.”
You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending… compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships… there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you… a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complementary… not supplementary.
Dating is fun… even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes… when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother’s house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women… You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

“Some people say you are going the wrong way, when it’s simply a way of your own.” -Angelina Jolie

This is my favorite road sign every now and then. It says “keep moving forward–don’t turn around.”

Lord, please give me a sign! Should I keep moving forward on this course or keep moving forward to a different one?? I really don’t know.

I need a sign.

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. -George Sand

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking chances. And how it’s really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you’re always glad you took it.”

-Scrubs

“Nobody’s life is filled with perfect little moments. And if it were, they wouldn’t be perfect little moments. They would just be normal. How would you ever know happiness if you never experienced downs?”

-P.S. I Love You

this will all end someday.

I didn’t so much enjoy things anymore.  But there was no going back.  I’ll take some more. I’ll endure some more.

I can stop anytime.

I lied to myself.  I threw away my standards.  I became the wretched, living dead.  It wasn’t so bad.  It was terrible.  I feel ok.  I’m dying.

There isn’t much you can do when pain is everywhere you look.  And oh, how I feared pain!

No, this will all end someday.

Are you sure?

Yes.  At least I think.

When?

When I stop hurting.  When life shows me that this is really for me.

You’ll stop then?

Yes.

yes…

No.  I’ll just think of more excuses.

a reflection. :(

I have a multitude of triggers.  That bothers me.  Little things, the strangest things, sling-shot my mind into cloudy thoughts of using and I have to fight not to give in. And for whatever reason, I feel like that now.  Perhaps its the long list of quizzes and exams this week.  Perhaps it’s the thought of another night without sleep and a long day of work tomorrow.  Or perhaps it’s just the fact that I have an addict’s mind, and this is simply how I think.

I am learning to love myself all over again.  I haven’t had much practice.  I still have trouble with it. I feel emotions I never knew I had, and see life for what it truly is.  It’s not a new concept to most people, I’m sure.

I feel almost incomplete, like I should be high.  The voice in the back of my head screams, This isn’t you.  You don’t belong in this life.  Give up, before you put yourself through more pain.

Most of the time, I must admit, I want to give in.  Sometimes I come very close.  But I remember the way things really were back then.  That’s not the person I want to be.

However, I don’t want to keep suffering.

I know I’m trying to rush this.  I didn’t become addicted overnight, so why should recovery be any different?  There goes my shitty self-will again.  Still, I wish I could wake up tomorrow and love myself the way I want to.

Feeling empty isn’t a nice thing.  Feeling alone is even worse.  But I know that this disease is waiting to lure me back, so it can finish killing me off.  And if Bessy was here today, I think she’d make all things a lot better for me.  That, for now, is enough to make me want to do this another day.

Can’t wait to blog about this. :)

“We are not greater when people praise us, nor any worse when we are criticized. Who we are is how God sees us, nothing more. May we recognize our Lord in every person we meet and in them and with them, love and serve Himwho gives us life to its fullness.”

Last August 20, Thursday, was the day I dreaded most. Eventhough not actually dreaded, but feared. It was the “Finals” of this singing competition I got into, organized by UPLB Gabay titled “Freshman Idol”.

Let me tell the events chronologically, FROM THE VERY START. Haha! I don’t want to forget this part of my life eh. So, I’m blogging it!

It all started on this date: July 23. Thursday. 7pm.^^

I auditioned, along with an estimated count of 65 freshmen, in this said competition. I was VERY hesitant at first. But to represent my block, I finally agreed.

trying our luck.

It was almost 10pm when I got the chance to sing. I guess I leanred that waiting can be REALLY tiresome too.. O.o

the judges..

One of my highschool batchmates, Mich, also auditioned. What else can I say? She’s got the voice. Man, she really could sing!! From the very start, I believe she’ll make it to the Top of this competition.

mich!

Results came out the following day. Mich and I, WE MADE IT. Thank you Lord! XD

The only thing on my mind at that time is that, I can now show something to my block. I was able to pass the eliminations. Period. Yes, that’s my plan. I’ll pass this audition then I won’t go further anymore.

But yes, if it’s God’s will, it really should be.

July 30. Another Thursday. And yes, still 7pm. XP

It was the night of the FI’s 2nd Elimination. 22 of us were left. Mich and I were ready. Ready, ready to back-out!! We literally backed-out. We went outside the SU Hall but suddenly I realized, some of my friends are left inside, waiting for me to perform.

So I went back to tell them that I won’t do it anymore. Then, I met Eeia,

Eeia!

another highschool batchmate of mine, who also passed for the 2nd elims. She could sing and dance very well! I went with her inside the Maquiling Hall to register, then all of a sudden, no one is allowed to go out of the hall already! O.o

I have no choice but to sing! I feel sorry for not informing Mich that I have no choice but to do it. So ok, God really wants me to go further.

the masterminds of this competition. XD

just having a good time.^^

me with my roommate karen, and friend jubs.

Along with my new friends in eLBi, I went back home. Ready to rest and sleep..

Results came out and I made it.

August 16. A Sunday.

I’m so tired the other day, so I decided to sleep that afternoon. When I woke up, it was already 6pm. I looked at my cellphone and got 3msgs. Two of them came from the organizers of FI! I immediately opened the msgs. The 1st msg showed the rules and everything-I-need-to-know for the finals. The 2nd msg contained the list of songs from which we are about to choose! When I saw “Para Sa Akin – Sitti” on the list, I was sure that that is what I’m going to sing. Then I saw the bottomline, it says.. “Unahan sa pagpili.”

OMG. That list was sent to me 2hrs ago! Need to hurry!!! T.T

Then they replied that the song I chose was already chosen by somebody else.

I kinda felt sad for a while. But then, I thought I should pick another song which I can also relate to from the list. So I chose “The Show – Lenka”. I chose it because it’s a very cute song and I really feel happy whenever I try to sing it.

August 20. Yes, it’s still Thursday!

OMG. SUPER HAGGARD!! >.<

It’s 4:30pm when Kat and I searched (yes, super searched!) along Grove a computer shop that can make a minus-one of my song. Actually, it was my blockhead who should do this job, not us! I told him 2 days earlier that I needed a minus-one! But he didn’t do anything about it. I kinda felt hatred for him during those hard times.

We went to, I think, 10 computer shops and none of those could do it! So we have no choice but to go to SU and tell the FI organizers that we can’t find any minus-one of my song… Kat and I were really soooo tired. Then thank God, there’s James! Another FI contestant and a classmate of mine in SocSci1.

He helped me! He converted a “The Show Karaoke” youtube video to an mp3. If only I knew how to do it, I would’ve done it days ago. But, I don’t know how. Thanks James!

The contest will start at 7pm. IT’S ALREADY 6PM AND I’VE JUST ARRIVED HOME. T.T

SO TIRED! WAAHHH.. I NEED TO REST BEFORE THE CONTEST… I REALLY NEED TO..

But there’s no time left. I rested (if you’ll call it ‘rest’) as much as possible by joing the ‘club’ in the boarding house watching Boys Over Flowers as I eat Magic Flakes. XD

15mins before 7pm…

I took a bath (even if my mom used to tell me not to when I’m super tired) then wore my dress and lent a pair of dollshoes from my roommate. Then walked towards SU!

As Luz and I walked, we saw many events happening all at once here in ULPB. The headdress contest, the 25th celebration of some organization, the InterLab contest and the Freshman Idol. It’s such a nice feeling that people are so active! Haha! Lots of energy!

When I got there, I saw James along with the other contestants. Then I also saw Eeia! I wrote my name on the registration paper. The line-up would be based on that paper. Ok, that’s bad. ‘Cause I’m the last contestant to write on it. So that means, I’m the 9th contestant, I’ll sing the last…

The room was slowly filled with people. People I know and don’t know. I saw my old bestfriend back in elementary sitting at the backseat along with her parents! Wow, that really touched my heart.. ♥

Some of my roommates and blockmates were also present. My gosh. This is it.

Eeia, James and I prayed together before the contest started. It really helped a lot that they’re with me. They are my sources of encouragement and energy. Even if I don’t win this contest, I’m still glad that we made it to this point. That’s already an achievement.

“]

from left: nicu, me, eeia, james, juliet and mariel. :

One by one, each of us went in front of the audience and gave our best. Sing with all our might the songs we have chosen and practiced just starting last Sunday. The judges gave their comments every after a contestant finished his/her piece.

There were 5 judges and.. OMG! One of them have been my crush since 4th year high school! ♥.♥

I got to know him on the Centennial Presentation of UPLB last March? I’m not kinda sure if it’s March. He was one of the guitarists there and he sometimes assisted our choir during the practices. He could also sing well. OMG. ♥.♥

Anyway, let’s go back to the contest. XD

And the last contestant finally had her turn… that’s me!

So there I am. In front of an audience waiting for my voice to be heard. OMG, I was so nervous to death during that moment!! O.o

As I sing, I just keep in mind to enjoy the song. ‘Coz that’s the message of the song! In the middle part of my performance, I barely could open my mouth! That usually happens to me whenever I perform in front of a crowd and I don’t even know why. My mouth seemed to froze as hard as a stone. Haha. But then I tried my very best to finish the song. I could hear myself became ’sintonado’ in some parts. But then I sang. I could feel the tremble in my voice. But then I sang. I could see empty faces of the people watching me. But then, I sang.

There’s a saying, “I’d rather have a life full of mistakes then a heart full of regret. ” I believe in that. So, there I am. Taking the risks.

After that, it’s time for the judges to give their comments…

I want to remember what he, I mean they, said that night, so let me put them here. XP

JUSTICE. The 1st judge, a guy, told me. What does that mean?? I wonder. I thought it’s a negative one. But he said, “You gave justice to Lenka’s song”. Wah! Nakakataba ng puso.^^, He also said that I should try other kinds of songs.

The next judge is a pretty lady. She said, “Kahit ‘di ka masyado naggagagalaw sa place mo, you did very well.” Wah, nakakatouch talaga. T.T

And this is it. Haha! ‘Yung crush ko na ang magju-judge sa’kin!!! O.o

My goodness gracious. His first words to me were, “Hi Kissha.”

Shit! Aa yan, kinikilig talaga ko nung time na ‘yun! Buti nalang talaga, I’m wearing a long necklace that time ‘coz if I’m not wearing one, I don’t know where to place my trembling hands!!! Grabe, it’s so hard to hide your feelings eh! Whew! Haha..

Ok, anyway, let’s proceed. Then he said, “Actually, gustung-gusto ko ‘yang kantang ‘yan, at ikaw palang ang naririnig kong kumanta n’yan na tugma talaga. Ang galing mo.” ♥♥♥.♥♥♥

Even if I don’t win this contest, ok na ok na ko! Kasi, jinudge n’ya ko! Pramis! o.O

Ok, let’s move on. The next judge is a guy too, but he looks different from the rest of the judges ‘coz he has this aura of professionalism. Yes, and he looks more matured than the rest. He said, “For me, I think ‘yung song mo, hindi s’ya bagay na pang-contest. Para kasing pang-bata or something.”  Ayun, but it’s ok! One’s judgments are different from other’s judgments. Ika nga.

And the last judge is a pretty lady too. She said, “I saw that you enjoyed your song naman. That’s good. And, I really liked your outfit.” ♥ Wah, thanks a lot po.

Then the winners were to be announced.

We were asked to line on the stage facing the audience.

“Lahat ng even numbers sa right side ko at lahat ng odd numbers sa left side ko.”

Odd number ako.

“Isa sa even and pasok at isa naman sa odd ang tanggal sa Top5.”

Basta in short, pasok ako. Thank you Lord!

Sabi pa n’ya, there are upcoming projects in UPLB which we will be a part of. Oh my, I’m so excited. Can’t wait!

I know, from the very beginning, He had planned all of this to happen. Even if I refused a lot of times to go further, I haven’t realized that I’ve taken many steps already. It was to Him I offered this success. He was the one who gave me the capability to sing. Praise thee!^^,

* credits to the Gabay people for the pictures. thanks!

Till next post!